writing || 2017: Year of INTENT
Originally published January 1, 2017 on Cre84me. Edited and republished August 12, 2017.
What a year. It’s gone just as quickly as it came. Of all the holidays and all the times of the year, New Year’s holds a certain special place in my heart. I’ve never been the superstitious type, I think horoscopes are bullshit, and I think our lives are delicate strings pulled by none other than ourselves. And while a part of me wants to extend this philosophy of life to view the New Year as what it is – merely a changing of the calendars – the romantic side of me sees it as a new beginning.
It’s a convenient global event of self-contemplation and forward-thinking. It’s a big deal. And it always gets me sentimental. (Though maybe that’s just because of my traditional viewing of “It’s a Wonderful Life” after midnight.)
So naturally, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. The year has been a packed one for me, and these past couple of months especially. Though I know I say it every year, I’ll say it again: I have a feeling that this year I grew as a person more than I ever have. But there are so many things I’d change about myself. Oh, SO many things.
One of my biggest flaws is that I care too much what other people think. I’ve noticed that I’m constantly trying to please everyone and to be liked by everyone. Instead of going for what I want, I hold myself back. I sacrifice my own enjoyment to make sure others enjoy themselves. I even sacrifice my own enjoyment for the sake of a reputation I think is desirable for myself.
I am concerned with my image, and try too hard to convince those who think I’m smart that I’m fun too, and those who think I’m fun that I’m smart. I do that instead of actually BEING fun and smart. [EDIT: this reminds me of a quote in Rousseau’s “Discourse on the Arts & Sciences”: “Up to that time Romans had been content to practise virtue; everything was lost when they began to study it.”]
I busy myself with fitting into labels instead of creating my own self. And, a realization that was kindled early this year when I met someone who really challenged my values and then further fueled by my recent readings in philosophy, I often let society decide my values for me.
BUT being my year of INTENT, I want to break this mold and create myself. Most of all, I’m going to live each day immersed in my own intent and not let myself be swayed so much by those around me. I’ve collected enough data; I think it’s time I started really laying the bricks for who I am by reading and by exploring my likes, dislikes, beliefs and values.
My internal change has to do with my personal endeavors. We have so many opportunities to make something out of our lives, and the only times I ever feel guilty or regret something is when I know I could have made better use of my time. By living with INTENTION this year, I am going to be deliberate in what I want to do. No more mindless browsing on my phone. No more waiting for things to happen. No more procrastinating on simple things.
I’m going to get out there and chase what I want, in goals, relationships and adventures.
I’m going to live in the present moment and focus when I need to so I can enjoy myself later without feeling guilty.
I’m going to be mindful of the food I put into my mouth, and take the extra time to prepare wholesome meals.
I’m going to channel my passions and rediscover journaling and blogging by writing about things the moment they happen and not expecting the finished product to be perfect.
I’m going to be intentional about my sleep, my exercising, my reading and writing.
Summed up in a List:
Summed up in a Word:
Happy 2017 everyone, wishing you all the best the world can offer and lots of happiness and joy. Oh, and also wishing you luck finding an online platform to stream Sherlock tonight!
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