writing || hey me, can i have a break please

Time after time, sleep has fixed everything that’s been going wrong in my life.

Whether I’ve been sad, anxious, lazy, angry, frustrated, (insert negative adjective here) for a few days, finally giving in and taking an early night or a longer-ish nap has ALWAYS magically made me feel perfectly fine afterwards. Unless of course I was actually physically, vomit-fever ill. It’s like my body occasionally gets sick and tired of my shit and starts to slowly shut itself off, one-by-one messing up the dials on my emotions. But, hey! I never seem to learn. I guess it’s a whole process.

I usually just sleep well, wake up happy, get back to work and then go back to the usual – sleeping at midnight, waking up at 7 because … big goals, the guilt of not meeting them, and the knowledge that I don’t have forever (mortality, am I right? *eye roll*) run my life. Scheduling tutoring sessions at 9 am on a Sunday, then coming home and getting disappointed at my inability to continue with my plan to crank out an entire essay right afterwards. Planning to edit a video, write an essay, then go out with friends and sleep early right after doing an hour long spin session. Waking up early to workout despite not having more than 6 hours of sleep,  These are real examples, you guys.

Of course I can’t do all that. What about energy, inspiration, motivation, passion? Sure, that comes when I force it to come, but it really does help if I facilitate an environment where it wants to be there.

Everything is just go-go-go and it’s a part of who I am. But I’m also a part of who I am, and that means I need to take care of that part, too. All this talk of self-care has some substance, after all.

As nice as it would be to be ultra-consistent with everything, life doesn’t always perfectly line up. Things come up, and it’s unrealistic to follow a perfectly level lifestyle in terms of how much I want to accomplish from day to day. Rest days are needed, and sleep IS productive, because it replenishes your energy so you can do more! Why do I still see it as time spent missing out?

Sometimes, I think, I ought to give myself time to do nothing, to sleep, to schedule guilt-free breaks, to consciously not worry about all the other things I have to do. And of course, this is separate from going out and enjoying myself, which still takes energy to do. THIS is true self-care. Ironically, this might help me produce more in the long run too.

Hope it helps you too.

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