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writing || asking the right questions

IoanaJuly 29, 2019

On a superficial level, I like asking questions. They’re easy. They’re painless. They take little effort on my part. When I’m nervous speaking, they give me a break to collect and attend to what little insecurities have bubbled up over the course of a conversation. And most of all, they make people like me more.

But asking questions is a skill not for the careless or the weak of will. Many questions are just plain silly. And to ask a really good question – well, that takes a lot of work.

I first learned about the importance of asking questions around the same time I came across personalities like Dale Carnegie. A daring blend of successful and kind, Carnegie believed in the people. Namely, he believed in creating meaningful connections out of interactions, by nourishing a genuine curiosity towards the other. And, in the process of course, winning some friends and influencing some people too.

A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language

Dale Carnegie

Then, when I started to branch out of my sheltered world by listening to and speaking with people from vastly different backgrounds, I began to love asking questions even more. How can you hear someone’s story if you don’t ask them about it? More so, how can you possibly have an interesting conversation with someone without asking an interesting question?

As business manager this summer for an engineering design team on campus, one of my priorities was reaching out to sponsors. We needed several things. For our workshops, we wanted to purchase an expensive solar car kit. We needed team shirts to wear at all of our events. And more recently, for one of our projects, we needed to buy a sustainable cooler.

Creating the package was difficult. I reached out to many people on campus for help, and read all the articles I could find on the topic. They all said one thing: think like the sponsor. Which I did. I racked my brain for all the benefits we could bring to the sponsor, and all the reasons a sponsor might want to, well, sponsor.

When writing the emails, I took inventory of how difficult it was to completely shift how I was thinking. I wasn’t just asking for something, I was offering something. Rather than start by talking about our team and what we did and why we wanted to work with them, I started by talking about their company and why they might want to work with us.

It was a neat exercise in setting aside my one-sided perspective and really embracing another. And then, on a call with a sponsor, I realized just how much I assume about what other people want.

The sponsor had agreed to donate a sustainable cooler for us, made from a material that was kinder to the environment than styrofoam. I was thrilled he’d accepted my offer – which involved lots of social media promotion and inclusion of his product in our presentations and informational sessions. These were all great offers, and seemed suited for his company, and were very reasonable for us to accomplish.

On the call, I asked him about the size of the cooler and more information about the materials it was made of. Then, for good measure, and for the sake of doing a good promotional job for them, I began to ask about their sales channels. Did they ship to Canada? Most of the customers we’d bring them would probably be Canadian. Did he know that most of our audience was just families? Was he okay with that?

He started answering a few of my questions halfheartedly and then paused to say:

“You know, we’re really interested in the education component of your team. We like that you’re affiliated with a university and that people will learn about the negative impacts of styrofoam on the environment. We don’t really need many more sales right now.

Oh. Well that changes things, I thought.

I scanned back through my memories of our interactions and I realized, I’d been so busy trying to predict what he wanted out of the partnership that I’d forgotten to just ask.

I’d managed to a) realize that I needed to focus on the other and what they wanted, then b) proceeded to completely ignore the other and what they wanted. Good work, business manager.

First: it wasn’t about me. We live our lives seeing everything through one frame of reference, and with one brain and one set of wants that the exercise of detaching from the self once in a while is immensely difficult. But like Dale Carnegie and many other successful people can attest to, it’s a skill that merits investment.

And second: sure, I’d been asking a lot of questions. But I wasn’t asking the right questions, and for that you need to think not just of what answer YOU want to get, but what information THEY have to share.

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Comments (4)

  • Suzanne Fuqua

    July 30, 2019 at 12:13 am

    Omg, once again your skills in writing and self reflection have been surpassed. I absolutely loved this article and you actually opened up my old eyes and provided me with insights I wish I had as tools a long time ago. Your doing a fabulous job Ioana, keep up your great work, attitude and of course keep sharing your wonderful writings. I absolutely love them❤️❤️❤️ HUGS Suzanne aka Sue

    Reply
    1. Ioana

      July 30, 2019 at 11:42 am

      Thanks for your kind words Sue! I really appreciate your support and it makes me happy to know you’re reading and enjoying what I share!
      Best wishes,
      Ioana

      Reply
      1. Sue fuqua

        July 30, 2019 at 12:31 pm

        Your most welcome. Yes if I receive an email notice I read it and thoroughly enjoy them. I’ve only seen two so far but they were both fabulous. It looks like you are thoroughly enjoying your University❤️

        Reply
      2. Ioana

        July 30, 2019 at 6:22 pm

        <3 Yes I am absolutely loving my university!

        Reply

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Nice to meet you!

Hi, it’s Ioana! I’m a blogger, brand marketer, and recent Queen’s Commerce alumni. When I’m not drinking coffee, reading, studying or exploring the city, I dabble in creative projects like this one!

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ioana.pitu

ioana | mistral spirit | organization & creativity
Caught the @evergreen_brick_works farmers market t Caught the @evergreen_brick_works farmers market this Saturday for another @usktoronto sketching meetup! Always a great time with this group. 🥳 I’ll admit I didn’t do much sketching this time around… was *very* busy making the rounds at the farmers market. 😜

#usktoronto #torontosketching #evergreenbrickworksmarket #urbansketching #travelsketch
little cup, GIANT smile 🥳 Totally in my elemen little cup, GIANT smile 🥳

Totally in my element at the @usktoronto exhibition reception event at @atoriginto a couple weekends ago. The exhibit showcases sketches by local artists that are primarily done on-location in places we travel to or live in. I’ve tagged a few of the artists so you can tap through to their profiles!

You might remember helping me choose which two sketches to submit to the show application back in December. Check them out hanging right there on the wall in slide 3! 

And HUGE thanks for helping me narrow it down. 🥰

If you’re in the area come check it out. (Or better yet, let’s go together!) 👯‍♀️

#urbansketching #travelsketching #urbansketchers #usktoronto #usk #travelsketchtoronto #urbansketchersexhibit
Some more photos from our @usktoronto urban sketch Some more photos from our @usktoronto urban sketchers meetup this Sunday in Toronto at @theonlycafe!

Instantly loved the interior of this cafe. 👌 I feel like maximalist interiors speak to my soul. Its late and maybe this isn’t quite it, but … they sort of remind me of my favourite people.

#urbansketchers #torontoart #urbansketch #sketchbook #sketching #artjournal #travelsketch #drawyourday #watercolor #urbansketching #sketchjournal #finelinerdrawing #moleskine #moleskinesketchbook #watercolortraveljournal #watercolordrawing #traveljournal #travelwatercolor
The most perfect Sunday morning sketching meetup w The most perfect Sunday morning sketching meetup with @usktoronto at @theonlycafe 🥰 Art + chill + new friends + coffee = happy soul

Thanks for organizing @satori3000! Check out these talented artists: @deshpande.shardul @maragulens @aish_cj @april.sketchedthis @sarawenn17 @beverleydaniels5 @hirtescufineart @sonalipraharajarts @satori3000 @sonyapadovani @michaeltsouras
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Caught the @evergreen_brick_works farmers market t Caught the @evergreen_brick_works farmers market this Saturday for another @usktoronto sketching meetup! Always a great time with this group. 🥳 I’ll admit I didn’t do much sketching this time around… was *very* busy making the rounds at the farmers market. 😜

#usktoronto #torontosketching #evergreenbrickworksmarket #urbansketching #travelsketch
little cup, GIANT smile 🥳 Totally in my elemen little cup, GIANT smile 🥳

Totally in my element at the @usktoronto exhibition reception event at @atoriginto a couple weekends ago. The exhibit showcases sketches by local artists that are primarily done on-location in places we travel to or live in. I’ve tagged a few of the artists so you can tap through to their profiles!

You might remember helping me choose which two sketches to submit to the show application back in December. Check them out hanging right there on the wall in slide 3! 

And HUGE thanks for helping me narrow it down. 🥰

If you’re in the area come check it out. (Or better yet, let’s go together!) 👯‍♀️

#urbansketching #travelsketching #urbansketchers #usktoronto #usk #travelsketchtoronto #urbansketchersexhibit
Some more photos from our @usktoronto urban sketch Some more photos from our @usktoronto urban sketchers meetup this Sunday in Toronto at @theonlycafe!

Instantly loved the interior of this cafe. 👌 I feel like maximalist interiors speak to my soul. Its late and maybe this isn’t quite it, but … they sort of remind me of my favourite people.

#urbansketchers #torontoart #urbansketch #sketchbook #sketching #artjournal #travelsketch #drawyourday #watercolor #urbansketching #sketchjournal #finelinerdrawing #moleskine #moleskinesketchbook #watercolortraveljournal #watercolordrawing #traveljournal #travelwatercolor
The most perfect Sunday morning sketching meetup w The most perfect Sunday morning sketching meetup with @usktoronto at @theonlycafe 🥰 Art + chill + new friends + coffee = happy soul

Thanks for organizing @satori3000! Check out these talented artists: @deshpande.shardul @maragulens @aish_cj @april.sketchedthis @sarawenn17 @beverleydaniels5 @hirtescufineart @sonalipraharajarts @satori3000 @sonyapadovani @michaeltsouras
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Pls note: photos taken “while reading” are obviously not as impromptu as they may appear on Instagram. They’re usually when (a) you’re on a reading intermission because you either haven’t started or are getting a bit tired of reading for so long or (b) there’s a long period of descriptive text that doesn’t necessarily represent the quality of the book and is a good time to hashtag let-me-take-a-selfie. So don’t read this one page and form an opinion about the book. Instagram isn’t reality. 😜

Pls also note I’m only 40% through the book so my review isn’t definite. I’ve been burned before by jumping too excitedly to recommend a book (in this case, TV show) to everyone around me before realizing it gets WEIRD later on. So take my moment of excitement with a grain of salt - more thoughts to come!
Just received this new pen from @bulletjournal and Just received this new pen from @bulletjournal and @leuchtturm1917 @leuchtturm1917canada! 👀 Here’s a closer look!

Can you tell I had so much fun unboxing this 😅 It’s my new desk pen for days that I want to feel a little ✨fancy✨

#gifted #pen #amwriting #bulletjournalleuchtturm1917 #gelpen #journal #journaling #planner #studygram #aestheticstudy #bujo #bulletjournal #bulletjournalpen #bujopen #minimalistplanner #bulletjournaling #bulletjournalcommunity #penlover
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